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Homosexuality is not a choice, but is it an option we should encourage children to explore?

birth-chestEvery day, more than 350,000 baby heads pop out of female vaginas on a wave of blood and poop. Even if a newborn’s senses are not yet fully developed, is this REALLY an appropriate beginning to a human being’s life? As the child grows up, a fair percentage of parents will tell their little boy OR GIRL that they are not to stick their heads IN a female vagina. Shit, maybe, this post is about incubators. NO, no …

It’s about ENCOURAGING our children to at LEAST give homosexuality a try. Think about how many DISGUSTING, HORRIFYING births we could avert. 

Mom: So, you got a big prom date, sweetheart?

Billy: Well, I was thinking about asking Janis.

Mom: Janis, yes, she is a sweet girl. What about Teddy?

Billy: Teddy? My best friend, Teddy? The kid with the penis?

Mom: Sure, you guys are like two peas in a pod.

Billy: Yeah, but I don’t want to put my pea IN his pod.

Mom: Oh, come on, Billy, I saw the way the two of you were playing around the other night.

Billy: What, what do you mean?

Mom: Don’t be embarrassed.

Billy: I’m not. I didn’t do anything.

Mom: Billy. You were letting Teddy do a nude portrait of you with your father’s 5 iron up your ass. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Billy: MOM, have you been on “Wife Swap” or something? I think you’re confusing me with another son.


Mom goes and grabs the 5 iron and sniffs it.

Mom: PHEWWW. Smell THAT!!!

Billy: Gross! But, that’s not my poop. That’s dad’s poop. I know dad’s poop. You know dad’s poop. It stinks up the whole house. Dad must’ve … MOM … what is that look … did YOU shove that up dad’s ass??

Mom: Oh, Billy, you just need to get more creative — will you please just take Teddy to the prom?

Billy: No, mom, no means no.

Mom: PLEEEEASE!!!!!!??????? PLEEASE Billy, I don’t want you to end up like your father and find out you’re gay AFTER you’ve been married for 10 years!!!!

ben-hogan-bh-5-ironWoah, ok, so, I’m sorry that I only illustrated an exchange between a mom & a son. Write what ya know, ya know? And, I anticipated the exchange delivering a message which was a little more crisp than that. Billy & Mom just started talking & that’s where they went with it. I think that was good, though.

Did you get the message?