Good people of the world. I’ve got fantastic news for all of you. I have just signed an executive order which decreases the price of a global lottery ticket to 99 cents! When is the last time you paid under a dollar for anything!? Let alone your fair shot at immeasurable happiness!!? Huh!?
Wait! Wait! I have also …
Thank you. Thank you. Hold on … there’s more!
You are gracious. Thank you! People! Wait!
I know, I know … but listen …
Listen: I have also … I would suggest that you all sit down for this if we were not packed in this auditorium like sardines. So … people … make sure you use your fellow human beings to keep your balance … as, what I’m about to tell you may flood your brains with so much joy … you won’t, you won’t —
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