Laverne What’s baking there, pansy?
Patrick Excuse you?
Laverne Did I stutter? I said, you look like a pansy, baking up some little lie to tell yourself.
Patrick Was just enjoying my drink.
Laverne Bullshit, pansy. I’m here to call bullshit.
Patrick That so?
Laverne Yes, I’m sick of little girls like you.
Patrick You don’t know anything about me.
Laverne I know all I need to know. Pansy cakes, pansy cakes — with your shirt all pressed. Mommy buy a bot girl to press it for ya?
Patrick I don’t own a bot girl.
Laverne Sure you don’t. Ya probably lease one, eh? That’s a nice head of hair ya got, too, eh baker?
Patrick I’m not a baker, but my name is Baker.
Laverne Sure you are — you bake pansy cakes — a real man would let his hair fall out … but you, what did you drop on that mop, half a year’s pay??
Patrick This … this is my real hair.
Laverne Clever. Real clever, pansy cake baker, I’ve heard that line before, where was it — yes, I seem to recall an actor, quite a bit more attractive than you, delivering that line in half the time with twice the authority. You fake, little, shit-a-dumpling-in-your-slacks, pansy-baker-slacker, you.
Patrick Now listen here …
Laverne Now listen here?? What, are you ready to stand up for yourself now? Baker, baker, two-by-four, can’t walk through the banker’s door … so he sold himself as a rug … you bug … bar-bot, pour me a drink or bake me a cake, I can’t take this fake.