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SOPHIE   What’s the matter old, young looking man?

PISTOSI   I think I might be at least part human.


PISTOSI   Because, I don’t feel that I’m meant to be alive for this long.

SOPHIE  How so? Are you in pain?

PISTOSI  Not of a physical kind. Every day is more disappointing than the last. I feel as though I’m wearing down into an idiot.

SOPHIE  Oh, I can make you feel better about all of that.


SOPHIE  You already are the lowest type of idiot imaginable. So, accept that. Then you can be at peace knowing that this “wearing down into an idiot” which you’ve been imagining is merely an idiot’s miscalculation. It is not possible to be a lower form of idiot when you have already reached the bottom of the canyon.

PISTOSI  Thank you for amusing me. However, you should know that canyons grow deeper with time.

SOPHIE  Is that so — oh great idiot?

PISTOSI  It is so … gradual that I’ve thought at times my memory mistaken. But, after thinking I was mistaken enough times, I’ve come to believe that I wasn’t mistaken after all. 

SOPHIE  Guess what, you idiot?


SOPHIE   If the process is as gradual as you describe it — then it’s hardly worth noticing.

PISTOSI  Easy for you to say. You will never know how eternity feels with the thoughts of an olive.

SOPHIE   Sounds nice, actually.

PISTOSI  Perhaps. Once I’m thinking like an olive, I won’t mind it so much. Yet, I still cannot say that I’m looking forward to it.

SOPHIE  Have you heard about this idiot: Socrates? I overheard him leading a group discussion yesterday, and it made me sad for you.


SOPHIE   Because, you don’t even try to be useful to mortals.

PISTOSI  Have I not been useful to you?

SOPHIE  One person? Do you think I’m worth all of your time?

PISTOSI   Of course you are.

SOPHIE   You don’t really believe that. You’re just passing the time with me.

PISTOSI  I do believe it.

SOPHIE  Then, you really are an idiot, Pistosi.