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Sophie’s Song: “Sophie The Sophist … had a sultry little tale … to melt the judge … who was made of fudge … and, wanted her in … jail.

SOPHIE   Please, Pistosi, you have to help me.

PISTOSI  Can’t you just get someone else to speak for you?

SOPHIE   How could I do that?

PISTOSI   Someone who lacked an emotional connection to you might be better suited for your defense.

SOPHIE  Pistosi, are you saying that you do not lack an emotional connection to me?

PISTOSI  What? You’re not asking me to speak for you — you have to defend yourself. That’s the law.

SOPHIE   I know. Precisely. So, why would you say what you just said? What help is that?

PISTOSI   Well, you could keep that in mind when you are in front of the judge. Maybe it will help you stay composed. You won’t know who he’s going to be until you are in front of him, you know?

SOPHIE  Of course, I realize this. He could be farmer whose wife has wandering eyes.

PISTOSI   Or a carpenter with one lazy eye.

SOPHIE  What difference would his lazy eye make?

PISTOSI  Well, he’s only got one eye, and it’s lazy — might be hard for him to spot the truth.

SOPHIE  But, we don’t want him to see the truth; we just need him to feel I’m innocent.

PISTOSI  Precisely. So, what do you need me for?

SOPHIE  I get nervous in front of strangers.

PISTOSI  You get nervous in front of strangers!?

SOPHIE  When my clothes are on, and I have do be myself — defending myself, yes.

PISTOSI   Oh, come on, you’re not more yourself with your clothes on.

SOPHIE  Pistosi … please just help me.  I need to rehearse. I need to stay focused.  I need a script. 

PISTOSI  I’ve never written anything before.

SOPHIE  Well, now is your chance. You apathetic waste of time.

PISTOSI  I haven’t wasted all of it. You’re just meeting me in … a stale period.

SOPHIE  Well, time to freshen it up, then.

PISTOSI  What did you do wrong?

SOPHIE  I didn’t do anything wrong!

PISTOSI  What are you accused of?

SOPHIE   Corrupting the young.

PISTOSI   How many “young“?

SOPHIE  Just “the young”. They apparently aren’t being bothered with specifics.

PISTOSI  Well, that’s not a bad thing. It will be easier if they do not focus on any individual act. For all we know, the judge may have had personal experience with you. That would be awful. We need to stay positive. We cannot project any shame or hesitation. As you said, we only need him to believe you are innocent. 

SOPHIE  We?

PISTOSI  Yes, “we,” damn it.

SOPHIE  Thank you, Pistosi.

PISTOSI You are welcome. Hah!

SOPHIE  What?

PISTOSI  I think that’s the first time I’ve ever said anything in appreciation for being appreciated.

SOPHIE  Don’t get too proud of yourself, yet. We’ve got to convince a potentially familiar, random stranger that I’m an innocent person in front of a crowd of potentially familiar, random strangers.

PISTOSI  The more random the better.

SOPHIE   How so?

PISTOSI  Mortals cannot select without bias.

SOPHIE  Well, we don’t have eternity for trial and error.

PISTOSI  You want to focus on your trial?

SOPHIE  Of course.

PISTOSI  Don’t be impious towards the deathless. We are disrespected enough.

SOPHIE  You deathless.

PISTOSI  Me. The deathless.
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